Now, they're in a blog post for your enjoyment.
This is a very small faction of everything my family says.
This was my life growing up.
It is still my life.
Enjoy.
Michael
(My 17 year old brother)
On Nicknames
"Chuckle Bucket...that was my nickname for forever."
On Oakhurst Dating
"They took a picture on Instagram and it said 'A couple that dips together stays together.' and then they broke up like a week later."
On Applying To Colleges
"I didn't apply to UC Santa Barbara because it has that lagoon thing and those smell. I bet it smells like drunk girls"
"Stanford's full moon kissing, or, how to get every herpes in one night"
On School
"I got an 'A' on a test where I answered a question with 'Tasty Narddarg Burger'. That's how I knew it was a good day."
"Civil war hoes..."
[With reference to yearbook senior picture awards] "I didn't get best smile, which is dumb. I got 'Most likely to Save the World', which is the lamest one ever. It's what nerds get. Plus, I missed picture day and they're probably just going to photoshop me in."
"I looked in the index of my Civil War book and I thought that the section on 'Uniforms' said 'Unitards' and I thought 'Unitards were an essential in the Civil War?!' "
"Hand me that calculus book...no, not that one, the other one."
"How the tits do I find out who wrote this?!"
"I NEED TO FINISH THIS PAPER!!! I didn't mean to yell."
On Twerking
"Shaking your butt...it's coming back."
"It used to be a black people club thing but now everyone including skinny white guys do it. Lame"
On Dating and Girls
"I didn't get her anything when I asked her to formal so I have to bring her coffee, biscotti, and some floss tomorrow to make up for that"
"She better have a crush on me or I'm going to punch her in the head"
"Bitchezzzzz"
On North Korea and Lil' Bub
"I wonder if Kim Jong Un has seen Lil' Bub. It just might save North Korea."
Emilie
(My 14 year old sister)
On Random People
"That girl at first glance looks like Dwitght from The Office"
Nicknames for Me
"Pea Flicker"
"Chunk Head"
"Fatty"
"Captain Gullible"
Things Randomly Yelled
"TITS MCGEE!!"
"CLARISONIC!!"
"PAC MAN!!"
"CLARISONIC!!"
"PAC MAN!!"
"ISUGTYFWIBF!!" [unintelligible yelling]
On Getting New School Material
"I took one for the team and got electrocuted by the old laminator and our school got a new one"
Teaching
"Jackson was building a booger picker out of legos today"
"I told him he was going to jail if he continues to steal things, the little thief."
"When kids are mean, I ask them if they have love in their hearts"
"Everything is a race, but we can't race in the library"
"Everything is a race, but we can't race in the library"
"We have 'Elf on the Shelf' for my class. They democratically voted on the name 'Fearless' for him"
On the Word "Hooker"
[In reference to hanging ornaments] "Hand me those hookers!"
[In reference to hanging garland] "Can I hooker this here?"
[After saying that you shouldn't use the world hooker] "I like the word 'hooker'!"
On Drug Use
"Just do it once and be done with it. Don't keep doing it."
"Smoke something else that's not meth or crack and be happy."
"Heroin addicts use needles and that's the scariest part"
"You're not doing drugs in college, right? Do punk people do drugs at those shows? I bet they do. You don't though, right? Right?!"
On The Music Video Wrecking Ball
"It makes me sad for humanity a little bit"
On Smelling
"Mike! You smell like poop! I can sniff it!"
Dad
On the Word "Hooker"
[In reference to hanging ornaments] "Hand me those hookers!"
[In reference to hanging garland] "Can I hooker this here?"
[After saying that you shouldn't use the world hooker] "I like the word 'hooker'!"
On Drug Use
"Just do it once and be done with it. Don't keep doing it."
"Smoke something else that's not meth or crack and be happy."
"Heroin addicts use needles and that's the scariest part"
"You're not doing drugs in college, right? Do punk people do drugs at those shows? I bet they do. You don't though, right? Right?!"
On The Music Video Wrecking Ball
"It makes me sad for humanity a little bit"
On Smelling
"Mike! You smell like poop! I can sniff it!"
Dad
You're Vegetarian and That's Hilarious
"Hey Nat! I got you a present!" [Holds us giant bag of meat]
