I'm uncomfortable with
Christianity.
There's so much brokenness in this world, and how do
you deal with that as a Christian?
Not as a “go to church, memorize the
bible verses” Christian, but as a true Christian, as a follower of
Christ, as a disciple.
Are we supposed to be hiding from the
pain? Pretending it doesn't exist? Pretending that the sex trade
market is a scam? That rape is just something we only hear about on
the news? That mothers aren't weeping over the senseless violence in
their community that has robbed them of their children? That children
aren't starving to death as orphans while we pick out the onions in
our sandwiches purchased in a store dedicated only to selling food?
And to be clear, I'm desensitized to
the brokenness and I ignore it. Sometimes because I can't deal with
the pain, sometimes because I don't want to face the reality that
brokenness that vast exists.
But that doesn't give us, including
myself, a reason to ignore it. Never.
We can't blame the news for showing us
so many pictures of people being shot at that gun violence doesn't
bother us. We can't blame all the UNICEF adds about starving children
for the lack of care we feel in our hearts for suffering people we
don't know.
It's uncomfortable to think about, it's
uncomfortable to realize and it's important to realize that this
makes you uncomfortable.
Christianity should make you feel
uncomfortable.
You should feel uncomfortable in a
world where the best and brightest country is ranked based on the
size of its army and the amount of weapons it possesses.
You should feel uncomfortable that
Jesus said “blessed are the peacemakers” and asked us to “love
our enemies as ourselves” while we send men and women out to
foreign places to murder enemies we don't even know the names of.
And I feel like it should be so simple,
so easy to figure out what to do as a Christian, but it's not.
I
try to put my faith in God, and I try to put my faith in his
words.
And I listen to other Christians who try do the same, but
teachings get lost, or labeled as unimportant. We make up
reasons why Christ would want Americans to go to Iraq and Iran to
start a war. But, let's not kid ourselves here.
Would the man who said “turn the
other cheek” and asked a known murderer of Christians to follow
him, to be his disciple, really be running around with a gun strapped
to his back?
I mean, that annoying slogan is everywhere, “What Would Jesus Do?”
It's annoying, because sometimes you can't know exactly what Jesus would do, but then again, sometimes it applies very well to real life.
So, would Jesus:
-Blow up a
community?
-Pretend pain doesn't exist?
-Keep all the food and money to
himself?
-Not let people into his life?
-Build barriers and walls around his country to keep the vagrants out?
Are these really things
Christ would do?
It's hard to not conform to the patterns of the
world when the Church of your faith so often conforms to the pattern
of the world.
I get it, we're lost.
I'm lost.
I'm not going to hide anything here.
I sin constantly. I'm greedy, I don't
share everything I could, I keep my head down when I walk past the
homeless downtown and I mostly look at for myself and the occasional
close friend.
I like to pretend that there aren't
people suffering right now, that my life is the most important and
that God would want me to have that shirt made in a sweat shop in
China so I can look the part of a good, Christian girl, but who am I
kidding here?
I'm a mess.
I am so unbelievably broken and
terrible.
It amazes me that God even has a plan for my life because my heart is so hardened and wretched, that it
doesn't seem possible.
And I think more Christians need to
realize this.
That we as a whole, as a community, in our Churches, need
to realize that it isn't all about me. It's not all about us, it's
about the world, and Christ's love is for the world, not for a chosen
few in a building following the same denomination.
We need to step away from the patterns
of this world,
be inviting, hospitable.
Put down our weapons of mass
destruction, stop hiring people to murder others in a country for our
benefit and personal gain.
Stop believing that violence is ever
the answer.
We need to stop turning a blind eye to
the poor.
Stop focusing on hating homosexuals
because one verse in the Bible in certain translations possibly alludes to it a sin.
Stop focusing on why people won't join our Church while we preach love with hatred in our hearts.
It's uncomfortable, but,
Christianity should not be
comfortable.
Stop the screaming hatred and bring forth a quiet
love.
We need to love.
If we don't have love, we have nothing.
If our faith is not built on love, it
is nothing.
If the Church we attend does not have
an outpouring of love for the community around it, the community of
Christians and atheists, poor and rich, greedy and selfless, children
and adults, than the Church is nothing more than 4 walls and wooden
beams. It becomes as empty and desolate as the hardened hearts we
carry in our chests.
I'm uncomfortable being apart of
something that could be so real and beautiful, but is often twisted by the followers of it to be something so upsettingly fake
and plastic in order to seem like we all have our lives in perfect order and know exactly what's going on and exactly what to do when
no one has a clue.
I'm really not surprised in the least when people don't give
Christianity a second thought.
I'm more uncomfortable at church than I
am in a room full of people who have just discussed the stupidity
behind religion, specifically Christianity, and then find out that I
follow Christ.
I'm sick and tired of a fake religion.
We need to realize we are broken,
accept that we are broken and love the world.
And until we realize that we are no
better than anyone we come in contact with, until we realize that
Christ wants a relationship with us as much as he does with the
rapist in a prison cell, until we realize that we have to outpour all
the love we have into the world until it hurts, until we're raw,
until our hearts are shattered from the pain we feel, until we can
love, nothing within the church, within Christianity as it is today will even get close to what God intended it to be.
Uncomfortable? Yes.
But that's exactly where we should be.
Lord, make me uncomfortable, soften my
heart, open my eyes to the brokenness and allow me to love the world
as you love me.
Amen.
