Thursday, August 29, 2013

T-Time: 3 Way Bandeau

In my perpetual quest to trick the male population into thinking that I am a much more attractive human being than I actually am, I came up with this.
Actually...well...
I made a DIY t-shirt disaster... then I realized I could still salvage said terrible DIY T-shirt (because hey, not all ideas turn out as planned) into a sexy, sultry bandeau.
By the way, bandeaus take up the least amount of fabric.
So, here's a bandeau project.
And you get to see me in a bandeau.
A project and my bare tummy?!
I know, best DIY t-shirt fail ever.

3 Way Bandeau

Gather:

1 t-shirt
scissors




Start with T-shirt.

Cut said t-shirt in half. 
(On a bed with another shirt, an index card and a guitar tuner...duh...)

Get a bandeau and "roll" it over your shirt 2 1/2 times to see how much fabric lengthwise you're going to need. Or guesstimate how much fabric you need. 
Widthwise, use said bandeau or a bra or measure yourself or guesstimate for that. Add about 1/2 to 1 inch extra for fabric roll allowance.

Cut out strip and tie strip around self.

That's it.
It's pretty dang simple.

The three ways to wear it are like this:

As-Conservative-As-A-Bandeau-Can-Get 
(tied around your beautiful bosoms and nothing else)


The-Party-Starts-When-I-Arrive-In-This-Bandeau 
(tie a little piece of fabric around your bandeau in the middle to cinch it between your boobies)



I-Want-To-Be-Scandelous-But-I'm-Afraid-Of-Nip-Slip-Bandeau
(cinch it like the one above. Then, take another piece of fabric and thread through the cinch you made. Tie it around your neck.



So...

1
2
3

There.
Now stop staring and go make yourself one.

Love,

          Neffie






Thursday, August 15, 2013

7 Thoughts on Making Your Life More Enjoyable.

I've been at the print studio all day and just got home.
Here's some thoughts on how to make your days better.

1) Eat what you want. This doesn't mean stop eating vegetable and fruits and balloon up to 546 pounds, but for goodness sakes, if I ever have to hear, "Well, I guess I can have one cookie since I've been good" I will puke in your face. If you want a damn cookie, go eat a damn cookie. Life's too short to not eat cookies. Or pie, for that matter.

2) If you find yourself complaining, think of 3 things your thankful for. I tend to get angry and then complain and really, I am super blessed with the life I have. So, it shouldn't be hard for me to think of three things I'm blessed with. And honestly, the fact that that's easy to do reminds me to shut the hell up, stop complaining and just be grateful.

3) Hug your friends. Seriously though, why do college aged people only seem to hug each other if they're drunk? Everyone needs human contact and to feel loved. Give a freaking hug. It's a win win for everyone.

4) Put away your damn phone. If we're in a group setting and it's a party or whatever, fine. If we're hanging out and your scrolling though instagram and facebook while we converse, well, why are we conversing? You obviously have better things to do than to be hanging out with me if you're going to sit on your phone the whole time.

5) Be kind. Is this really that far of a reach? It's easy to be mean, but it takes courage to be kind. Just like my mom used to (and still) said, "treat others the way you want to be treated."

6) Take care of people. Take care of your friends, family, co-workers, strangers, neighbors. Why does this seem like such a weird ideal in college? Sometimes I felt like the times I needed the most help and support were the times I had the least amount of friends. It's nerve wracking to care for someone who needs help, but it's important to remember that we all stumble, get sick, sad and stressed, and when we aren't in need and someone else is, we should be there for them. It seems so silly and cliche, but it's the freaking truth, man.

7) Love recklessly. No, really. Love your neighbor more than yourself. Love the person sitting next to you on the bus, your room mate who drives you crazy, the lady next door with ten thousand cats that poop all over your yard, the people you find hard to love. Remind yourself that no one deserves to unloved. Remind people that you love them. If you love someone, tell them. It doesn't have to be with words (although, "I love you" does often get the point across), but can be with action, too. Remind people they're important in your life. I'm totally guilty of not doing this enough and I don't think I ever can do this enough, but if any of these silly pointers to live by are worthy of taking away, it should probably be this one. Love is the most important thing you can ever give anyone, and when you love, love with reckless abandonment.

That's it.

Love,

        Neffie

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Narcissistic Nectarine Blackberry Pie

Forgot that we were having a party Thursday night, which meant no update.
I was sick last weekend which meant no DIY project.
Then I had to work my booty off for my print class.
But, like most week nights, unless there's a concert I want to go see, I had no plans.
Instead of moping about not going out and not being able to find a fun party to go to on a Friday Night and just laying in bed watching old episodes of The Big Bang Theory, I decided to bake a pie.
The art of baking a pie from scratch has always held a special spot in my heart.
It's something of a lost art.
Who wants to laboriously slave over finicky pie dough, sticky fruits and temperamental custards when you can get your sweet fix from cheap boxes full of sugar cookies at the market?
However, baking a pie is more than just obtaining a sweet fix, it's art.
I know that sounds totally corny and cliche, but hear me out:
It takes a couple of tries before one understands how to create the perfect, flaky crust
how to pick out the perfect fruits
when the custard has reached its optimum.

I used to bake pies all the time in high school, and then, I got to college and I slowed down.
I became much busier with school, friends, jobs, a'cappella and even the tiny, cramped kitchens with little counter space and wonky ovens discouraged me.
Pies used to be my meditation.
A forgotten skill I was determined to perfect.
I used to bake pies and then invite over friends just so it could be eaten fresh out of the oven.
I relished the fact that a pie (or pies) could bring people together, I loved the specialness and the joy it brought people to enjoy the sight, smell and taste of something considered old fashion.
I've missed this aspect of myself.
I miss it now.
But there's not excuse anymore.
A table has been recently introduced to our kitchen, a perfect space for rolling out a dough.
Our oven that wasn't working when we moved in got fixed weeks ago and works better than any oven I've lived with.
So, I really have no reason to not bake pies here.
I've included the flaky crust (from the Pie and Pastry Bible by Beranbaurn) I enjoy making, but feel free to use your own basic flaky crust for this one.
I also find that it is nice to make a few of these flaky doughs at one time and then store them in the freezer for when you want to bake a pie a little quicker. I used to do this and the doughs keep in the freezer for 3 months. Just let them thaw for about 30 minutes in the fridge before you start to roll it out.
And in case you were wondering, this is my own filling recipe, I hope you enjoy the success of it as much as I did.
So, here's to pie.
Here's to driving the 2 minutes to Safeway at 10 at night to get ingredients since riding a bike seemed a little scary since the homicide in the parking lot next to Safeway last week.
Here's to walking in the store and finding everything you need on sale.
Here's to disappointing Mr. Rogers by wearing my inside shoes out to the store.
Here's to breaking my rule about wearing leggings with a shirt that does not cover my butt out in public.
Here's to being the only college student in line buying fruit and butter instead of red cups and handles of alcohol.
Here's to the other only college student not buying alcohol- the cute boy standing in front of me with chocolate ice cream, lactose pills and lactaid milk. Ha.
Here's to my newest slogan: I do what I want.
Here's to the new beginning of a lost tradition.

Narcissistic Nectarine Blackberry Pie

(It's narcissistic because I made it for me, and I took many pictures of myself making said pie since I bought a tripod and I can. I do what I want. Also, this is a recipe for a 9-inch covered pie.)

Ingredients:

Dough:
(This will give you enough to have a dough for the inside and for the top, since you will be covering the top of this pie with dough)

14 tablespoons butter
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar
5 tablespoons of ice water
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda

Filling:

3 lbs of nectarines (you want to use just ripe or a little under ripe so they don't turn to mush in the oven)
1.5 cups blackberries (1 little container)
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2 tablespoons (or as much as you can get out of a lemon) of lemon zest


Making the Dough:
(The "placing everything in the fridge and freezer a million times" stems from the fact that you want to keep your butter cold. It'll make rolling everything out much easier)

Start by cutting your butter into 1/2 inch cubes. Separate the butter into 1/3s, one third of the cut butter goes into the freezer, the other 2/3 in the fridge. 
Let them sit there for about a half hour.
Meanwhile, mix your dry ingredients together in a bowl.
After the 1/2 hour, take out the fridge butter and mix it in the bowl with your hands until it resembles coarse meal.
Place this in a zip lock bag and put in the freezer for another 1/2 hour.
After the 1/2 hour is done, pull the bag and butter out of the freezer. 
Place the butter in the flour mix in the bag. Or if you're using a janky bag like I was, you can use saran wrap for this part.
Squeeze all the air out of the plastic bag and then roll over it with a rolling pin until your butter resembles thin flakes.
Place this all back in the freezer for a 15 minutes minimum.
Take out, add the apple cider vinegar and ice water, mix in with your hands until the dough begins to stick together.
Divide your dough in half and roll until just
together, fold into a square and wrap up with saran wrap or place in zip bags and put it all back into the freezer.
When you're ready to use your dough, take it out and roll it until it covers your pie pan or top of pie or whatever.





Assembling the Pie:

(See Courtney in the background?
Get one of the 2 doughs out of the freezer and roll until it covers your 9-inch pie pan.
Line your pie pan with the dough and place in the fridge.
Obtain your nectarines, quarter, and then cut into slices, placing them in a medium sized bowl.
Scoop your brown and white sugar and sprinkle on top.
Add the tablespoon of lemon juice.
Lightly toss your nectarines. 
Let them sit for 45 minutes in the bowl.
While this is happening, clean up! And prep for the next step by gathering up a sieve, another bowl and a Pyrex.
 Imagine a playlist of The National and Bell and Sebastian playing off the computer.
After the 45 minutes have passed, strain the juice from the nectarines.    You should get about 3/4 cup to 1 + cup. If you don't have that amount, you can set your oven to the lowest setting and place your bowl (not plastic though!) with the nectarines in the oven for about 5-10 minutes. The heat will make them release more juice.
Next, pour your juice into a non-reactive sauce pan. Let it cook on medium until it boils down to a 1/2 cup of juice. You can scrape the edges of the pot with a wooden spoon or spatula, but don't stir the sauce. Just let it mostly boil down unassisted.
Now is a good time to move the other half of your dough from the freezer to the fridge.
While you've got that on the stove (because you can multitask, I hope) add the lemon zest to the nectarines and lightly toss. 
Pull out your chilled pie pan with the dough and toss your nectarines in there. 
Take your tiny container of blackberries and throw them on top. 
After the sauce has boiled down, pour it on top of the filling.
Take the other half of your dough and roll it out until it is large enough to encase your pie.
Gently cover your pie with the dough, sealing the edges with water if you need to.
If you want to get fancy and cut some designs into the top, now is the time.
I left the pie in the fridge and realized I didn't take a picture of me placing dough on top. Sorry.
Cover the pie lightly with saran wrap and let it settle in the fridge for an hour. 
By the time I got to this stage (because making dough, talking to Courtney who I hadn't seen all day, taking pictures and constantly changing the music slowed me down a bit) it was 1 in the morning. So I left my pie in the fridge all night. I wanted to bake it when there were people awake to eat it.
After the hour (or a good night's sleep), preheat your oven to 425. If your oven is old and doesn't beep when it hits the obtained temp, 20 minutes preheat will do.
Remove saran wrap (god forbid you forget this step), and place pie in the middle rack for 45 minutes or until dough begins to lightly brown.
Take out and let it set for 1.5 to 2 hours.
Or, do what I did, be a rebel, let it sit for an hour, share it with your friends while it's still hot and soak up all that unsettled juice with bread.

The art of pie is back.

Love,

        Neffie


Uber Selfie. Hardcore, mayn.






Thursday, August 1, 2013

T-time: The Most Fabulous Scoop Back T

Ok, ok. It's been forever again.
Whatever.
I took my typical summer hiatus without saying anything because I do what I want.
Now,
I know you all want to get DIY and punky, so here's a way to make a boring t-shirt better.
I came up with this idea before the UCSC Kresge Pride (way back in spring quarter..) because I felt like I needed a shirt as fabulous as pride and a boring, fading t-shirt wasn't going to cut it.
So, I decided to cut up my shirt.
And using some inspiration from a ridiculously expensive tank top I saw one day online (I'm talking like $80 ridiculous) and some inspiration from fabulousness, I came up with this lil' number.
THE SCOOP BACK TEE!

The Scoop Back T-Shirt

Start with a t-shirt. Duh.







Cut off those sleeves!



After you cut off your sleeves, you're going to cut out your neckline. If you want to be OCD about it, mark how deep you want to cut it out. Or just go crazy and cut it sans measuring.


Marked it

Cut it. Realized I wanted more of a scoop.

Re-marked.


Cut deeper. Because I'm bringing sexy back.

Next, flip your shirt over and determine how deep you want your back to be. I measured down, marked the center with a pin and then using a piece of paper, cut half an oval out and traced it for maximum equal symmetry. You're going to get a bit of fabric from that half oval that you cut out. Save it! You're going to need it next.

Pin..
Half oval


Trace

Cut!
Now that you've got your sexy scoop back and your oval, it's time to make the "straps". Poke 2 holes on each sleeve (4 holes total), one about 1/2 inch in from the scoop and about 1/2 inch down from the top of the sleeve, the other about 1 inch under the first hole and about a 1/2 inch away from the scoop. Then, take your oval, cut 2 long pieces of "string" from it and thread and criss cross it though the holes to create an "X". You can get fancy with the sewing machine and make it all nice and neat if you want, but I wanted to get to Pride ASAP, so I just tied mine around my holes.
Also if you want to go for the full raw edge look, cut the hem off the bottom. Now's as good of time as any.
Cut up oval and obtain t-string.

Measure

Measure close up...ooo...

Poke holes..

Criss cross and tie! (or be fancy and sew)

And..that's it! Pretty simple, eh?
After that, I went off to Pride to work on my tan because oh my goodness, my legs were so damn pasty!


Front..

Back! (Don't forget to wear your most sexy bra or bandeau. Or just go braless if you want)
Courtney and I had a great time and I got totally burnt. After the UCSC Pride, we attended the Santa Cruz Pride and then later the San Francisco Pride. And I wore my shirt to each one like a champ.
Oh, I also made a headband out of a scrap. You can do that, too, you know.

UCSC Pride!


San Francisco Pride! 
Cat Hat!
That's that.
If I can update on time, it'll be on Thursdays from now on.

Stay Classy.

Love,
        Neffie